Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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