What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
