I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
