Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
