@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
