Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
