Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
