yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
