He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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