i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
