She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
