I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
