I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
