theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize