Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
