shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
