he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
