I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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