Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just had sex on a roof
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
