i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize