Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I touched a dick in church today
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
