I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
