I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
