this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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