I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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