i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she pinky promised me she was 18
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
