Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
