Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
