i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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