i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
