well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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