I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
