i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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