shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize