we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
