I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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