Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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