worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
