I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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