Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
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Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
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Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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