Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
