the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
