conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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