Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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