just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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