Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
