And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize