Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
