you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
