I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
