Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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