That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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