I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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