I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
