i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I smell like Dick and happiness
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