Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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