When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize