she looked like the before picture.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
