no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
