The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize