Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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