Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
