i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
